Hell in a Cell 2009
Hmmm… HIAC is a popular and brutal way of ending feuds… I know! LET’S MAKE A PPV OUT OF IT AND HAVE RANDOM MULTIPLE MATCHES TAKE PLACE INSIDE HIAC, KILLING THE GIMMICK!!!
CM Punk Vs The Undertaker – World Heavyweight Championship Hell in a Cell Match
BUCKLE UP, TEDDY~!
After the MONTREAL SCREWJOB 2.0 at Breaking Point, Undertaker kidnaps Teddy Long and convinces him to book a HIAC match for the WHC, and here we are!
Did this feud qualify for a HIAC match? NOPE. But WWE wanted to do a HIAC PPV, and you ain’t gonna have the first one without Undertaker inside the cell.
, Punk throwing his shirt at Undertaker during the start of the match makes me think back to the rumours at the time, that Undertaker was pissed at Punk for not complying with the dress code .
Like their BP match, Punk tries to run outside to stop Undertaker from coming straight at him with those big lefts and rights, but inside the HIAC, Punk has nowhere to run and being on the outside here might actually be the worst place for the WHC!
Crowd are on FIRE at one point in this match, with loud chants for BOTH men. Punk always got the crowd to be split in his matches against Undertaker, and very few people can claim that.
Punk works over Undertaker’s knee a little, while taking some crazy bumps off the apron into the cell a couple of times as Undertaker tries to mount some offence .
Another awesome strike exchange from these two, starting out on their knees before they make their way back to their feet and continue to pummel each other .
Undertaker is selling the knee injury really well, and Punk is doing an awesome job using it to his advantage any time Undertaker tries for a comeback.
TOMBSTONE~! The Undertaker is the NEW World Heavyweight Champion!!! Wasn’t too big a fan of Punk dropping the title at this time, but meh, UNDERTAKER IS WORLD CHAMPION 
. And he was WHC when I finally got to see him wrestle live for the first time ever in November .
Great HIAC match. Not too long, and sure it won’t be remembered with the likes of Taker/HBK, Taker/Foley etc, but it’s still damn good and they pack in a ton into the short time they got. At least the first HIAC PPV gets off to a good start!
Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3
John Morrison Vs Dolph Ziggler – WWE Intercontinental Championship Match
Well, Rey Rey failed a drug test and had to drop the title… so he did it in a random TV match against Morrison. Meanwhile, Ziggler, the guy FEUDING WITH REY OVER THE TITLE, doesn’t get a look in .
Every Ziggler match I’ve seen on 09 PPV so far, the commentators have always put over his wrestling skills from college and whatnot… and then Morrison pretty much out-mat wrestles him in the beginning of this match .
Wait, Ziggler beat Knox and Finlay in a triple threat to earn this title shot? Or did Morrison win it for a chance to wrestle Rey when he won the title? Commentators confused me there, but either way, seeing either of these two men in the ring with KNOX AND FINLAY actually sounds fun because of how much they are likely to have been beaten up 
.
This match gets very back and forthy the longer it goes, which is probably for the best because Ziggler doesn’t seem to know what he’s doing when it’s up to him to control the match lol.
There is plenty of good to be found here though, but it’s also accompanied by some stupid shit, annoying shit and just shit shit, so everything just gets balanced out and instead of a bad match or a great match, we end up with a solid match that is somewhat fun overall. The best I could have hoped for tbh!
Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1
BATISTA~! He takes over the interview and introduces his tag partner for tonight, REY MYSTERIO~! They’ve been tag champions before, and tonight they are going to try again when they go one on one… or… two on two… against JERISHOW!
Alicia Fox Vs Mickie James – WWE Divas Championship Match
Oh Mickie you’re so fine… but not fine enough to make me wanna sit through an Alicia Fox match .
Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1
Chris Jericho & The Big Show Vs Batista & Rey Mysterio – Unified Tag Team Championship Match
Batista and Mysterio DOMINATE Jericho early on, showing some great team work that brought them tag team gold in the past.
BIG SHOW VS REY MYSTERIO~!
Batista wants in, but Rey is determined to battle the giant all by himself!!! Not the smartest decision Rey has made .
Big Show slaps Rey in the chest and sends him over the ropes and to the floor. Rey is basically DEAD from a SLAP.
Big Show lifting Rey by his head and bringing him back into the ring looked fucking incredible. As was a side kick to Rey’s chest that looked to cave in all his ribs .
Well, Jericho really brings this down by sitting in a fucking rest hold for 99% of his time in the ring with Rey before the hot tag.
The fans seem to… not be behind Batista . They are booing him getting the hot tag .
Things slow down a little again for Batista to take a little bit of a beating, including a massive Chokeslam that doesn’t get a 3 count because Rey dives over the ropes to break it up!!!
Now REY gets a hot tag… against Big Show… and is holding his own!!!
Super fun finishing stretch for this match, with plenty of multiman chaos on the floor before Mysterio jumps off the ropes and gets cracked in the face with a knockout punch!!! JeriShow are still the tag team champions and this was a super fun match!!!
Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3
John Cena Vs Randy Orton – WWE Championship Hell in a Cell Match
Just gotta get through this match and then it’s onto their 1 hour Iron Man match. And then I can be done with Cena Vs Orton FOREVER.
“HEY ORTON NOBODY LIKES YOU ANY MORE” some little kid in the front row. Meanwhile, the rest of the fans are booing Cena and chanting RKO . Kids are stoopid.
was that a blade that fell out of Cena’s pocket or something, and just sat on the mat in plain sight of the camera for about 30 seconds before the referee picked it up?
Really says something about the match when 12 minutes or so into it, the only things I’ve had to say is about a fan in the front row and a blade falling out .
Fuck me they spend about 5 minutes very slowly climbing the ropes and NOT HITTING ANY MOVES. Seriously, they end up on two corners of the ring, just stopping the other person from doing anything, or moving out of the way 
.
Orton taps out but the ref is dead on the floor or something.
Fucking HILARIOUS moment when Orton ties Cena up in the ropes then begins to choke him out . His face .
PUNT from Orton to win the match, and it COMPLETELY MISSES AND IS CLEARY SHOWN ON CAMERA MISSING . Then they keep replaying it .
I’ve watched paint drying that was more entertaining than this.
Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0
Drew McIntyre Vs R-Truth
As much as I like DREW MCINTYRE, I simply cannot sit through an R-Truth match.
Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1
Apparently LEGACY studied the Hell in a Cell last week by going inside it for an hour . WHAT IS THERE TO STUDY?!?!
Kofi Kingston Vs The Miz Vs Jack Swagger – WWE United States Championship Match
Fuck. Right. Off.
Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1
Shawn Michaels & Triple H Vs Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase – Hell in a Cell Match
Phew, we are saved from a DX pre-match promo as Legacy attack them from behind during their entrance.
Back and forth brawling, before Cody gets the chain used to lock the cell door and hits HBK, then attacks HHH. Teddy and Cody double DDT THE GAME on the steel ramp, then Cody hits Cross Rhodes on the steel too, and HHH is out of it.
That leaves HBK in a 2 on 1 situation, and it gets even worse when Cody and Teddy LOCK THE CELL DOOR with HHH still on the outside!
Fucking SICK High-Low from Legacy onto HBK. Normally with that move, one guy tends to be a bit slower than the other and they hit at separate times, or one doesn’t really connect at all. But here it’s fucking PERFECT and HBK takes a great looking bump off it too. No crazy super flip, but just a good looking bump that makes the move look like it killed him.
AIR CHAIR~! HBK just lobs a chair into Cody’s face .
HHH finally wakes the fuck up, and realises he can’t get in! LOL. HBK is trying his best to fight off both opponents, but the numbers game continues to catch up with him and his comebacks never go anywhere.
So HHH figures out that he can’t rip the cell open… and his next option is to CLIMB THE CELL? Even if he did manage to break into the cell from the roof… it’s the new type of cell that’s far too high to jump down from .
SWEET CHIN MUSIC~!
now HHH is trying to break the chain and padlock by HITTING IT WITH A CHAIR .
HBK POWERBOMBED INTO THE CELL~!
Hey, HHH, aren’t you like, the boss’ son-in-law? You know, the guy who runs the show? Can’t you just like, demand that someone raise the cell to let you in?
One of my fav spots in the first HIAC match between HBK and Taker is when Taker picks up Shawn and just starts ramming him back and forth between the corner of the cell and the ring post… and Ted DiBiase does that same spot here .
Another awesome spot where Cody holds up HBK with a chair in front of his head, and Ted dropkicks into him .
A repeat of Breaking Point, with the Figure Four using the post, and the Million Dollar Dream at the same time! Before HBK can tap out, HHH shows up with some bolt cutters and he’s inside the cell!
SPINEBUSTER ON THE STEEL CHAIR~!
And now, despite being beaten down in a 2 on 1 situation for like 15 minutes, HBK makes a comeback and acts like nothing happened! Yey!
Teddy gets smacked in the face with the steel chain, hit with a Pedigree on the floor, then he’s dragged outside while DX lock the cell door and decide to get some revenge on Cody!
Steel chair wrapped around the neck of Cody, and HBK hits the elbow!!! He goes for a superkick, but HHH stops him and gets Sledgy the Sledgehammer out instead.
Sweet Chin Music AND the Sledgehammer to the face of Cody at the same time, and this one is over!!!
Well, I actually really enjoyed a great deal of this. I liked the concept of locking HHH out and murdering HBK until HHH could get back in and make the save. However, HBK shrugging off the 15 minute handicap beatdown really, REALLY pisses me off. They just ignored the bulk of the match so HBK could hit a couple of his signature moves and win the match. Totally ruined what SHOULD have been a great match. Instead it’s good and nothing more.
Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2
Overall CAL SCALE – 6
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