ECW Hardcore TV April 6th 1993
The first episode of Hardcore TV on SPORTS CHANNEL. And we spend the first 5 minutes on the commentary team. But its ok, because its all building to the 3rd man being announced for the, uhhh, announce team; TERRY FUCKING FUNK.
The Hell Riders Vs The Super Destroyers – ECW Tag Team Championship Match
So one of the Hell Riders, E.Z. Ryder (yes, they are known as the Hell RIDERS while both men’s last name is spelled RYDER lol) would go on to be CHUBBY DUDLEY. One of the Super Destroyers is the cousin and trainer of GENE SNITSKY. That’s about the only remotely interesting thing I have to say about this match, which should tell you everything about it. The Super Destroyers retain their belts.
Rating: DUD
ITS THE SANDMAN! A video package dedicated to the coolest surfer dude you ever did meet! Oh wow, he’s the ECW Heavyweight Champion according to the final image. LOL.
Salvatore Bellomo Vs Tommy Cairo – TV Title Tournament Match
COSMIC COMMANDER is the manager for Bellomo and he looks oddly familiar… almost like he’s a rip off of The Grand Wizard lol.
Cairo is undefeated. Bellomo looks a little like Bruiser Brody mixed with Norman the Lunatic. Not entirely sure what the outfit he’s wearing is supposed to be though. Watching the REDUB version of these shows, so I get the real entrance music for everyone as well as anything WWE removed. There was a section during this match where it went back to original, non network footage and I have no idea why it was removed. Nothing on commentary was said that would cause it, and it was just a random part of the match with not much happening. Cairo wins this garbage match via countout when Johnny Hotbody shows up and accidentally hits Bellomo and sends him out of the ring.
Rating: DUD
Tony Stetson Vs The Rockin’ Rebel
We got one half of the #1 contenders to the tag titles in Stetson, and the #1 contender to the world title in Rebel. They start the match with the most basic, generic “babyface does moves against the heel, and the heel complains about hair pulling and stuff and argues with the referee” and holy fuck its bad. They even do the spot where Rebel, the heel, goes onto the ropes for cheers but obviously doesn’t get any, then Stetson goes to the ropes for cheers… but also doesn’t get any as the crowd don’t seem to give a shit lol. Commentary between the two main ones (aka not TERRY) is also the most basic, generic garbage. Its like “Wrestling 101: The Basics” all over here. How to be a heel. How to be a babyface. How to be a babyface commentator. How to be a heel commentator. Learn these basics and YOU could get booked on your first independent show! Rebel wins with his feet on the ropes I think. I kinda zoned out. He cuts a promo on Sandman afterwards.
Rating: DUD
Jimmy Snuka Vs Larry Winters – TV Title Tournament Match
Snuka is… a heel? Makes sense given what we know about him in real life. He brings out Eddie Gilbert as his new manager to add more heel heat to his character. Winters is the other half of the tag team with Stetson who are #1 contenders to those tag titles. Gilbert keeps getting on the apron for no real reason, as while the referee looks over to him… Snuka does nothing to take advantage of the ref being distracted. In fact one of the times he’s on the apron, Winters goes for a cover on Snuka and Gilbert GETS DOWN FROM THE APRON so the referee can make a count LMFAO. Luckily it was only a 2 count. Snuka picks up the win with his splash.
Rating: DUD
Funk having no issue on the mic telling everyone that the show has room for improvement and they’ll get better LOL.
Salvatore Bellomo Vs Ernesto Benefica
Bellomo not happy with his loss earlier, comes out and has a random match against Ernesto Benefica who… was just in the ring for no reason, I guess? Match lasts about 10 seconds.
Rating: DUD
What an awful, awful show. Not a single match worth sitting through, luckily they all seemed pretty short. No angles shot. Only good thing was FUNK being around.
ECW Hardcore TV April 13th 1993
Oh look the show opens up with Eddie Gilbert trying to be the guest commentator again when its actually Terry Funk. If this doesn’t lead to a match between the two I’ll be very disappointed. Also I love how they keep showing clips of FUNK from Quantum Leap being a crazy bastid.
Johnny Hotbody Vs Glenn Osbourne – TV Title Tournament Match
Something was bothering me about the ring in the first show and its the same here. The ring mat doesn’t look flat. I thought maybe it was the lighting, as the ring is filled with shadows from various light sources etc, but its obvious in this match that yeah, the ring is bumpy as fuck lol. And every time someone takes a bump it looks like they could go through the ring at any time too. Highlight of the match so far (around 6 mins in) was a suplex on the floor by Hotbody and then a dive from the apron to follow it up.Wait a minute, new highlight of the match.
PILEDRIVER~! Referee is still down so Hotbody decides to attempt a superplex, only for Tommy Cairo to show up, knock Hotbody to the mat, and give Osbourne a chance to land a splash and the win! Certainly nothing special, but the first match to not be a DUD.
Rating: *
Samoan Warrior & Chris Michaels Vs Larry Winters & Tony Stetson
Samoan Warrior is the brother to Samu and Manu. I can only assume Chris Michaels is fairly green at this point otherwise I’d have to call him shite. He’s late to spots, early to spots and takes simple moves wrong. But since the SAMOAN WARRIOR is a pretty BEFFY dude, its Michaels that has to take the majority of the beating. Somehow, despite the Samoan Warrior being tagged in at one point and never tagging out… Stetson and Winters pinned Michaels after they dragged him into the ring and hit a tag finisher lol. I at least got SOMETHING out of this match though.
Rating: *
After the match we get a brawl between Winters/Stetson and The Super Destroyers, as they have a title match against each other at some point in the future.
Same video package as last week for The Sandman, but its to actually promote his upcoming appearance on the show. Out he comes looking like a complete idiot in the greatest way possible. That outfit LMFAO.
The Sandman Vs Kodiak Bear – ECW World Heavyweight Championship Match
No wonder The Sandman gave up wrestling and decided to just smoke, drink and hit people with weapons. This is not good, and he wasn’t good. The most basic of matches with the worst top rope dropkick I think I’ve ever seen from Sandman.
Rating: DUD
Eddie Gilbert Vs J.T. Smith – TV Title Tournament Match
This one starts off HOT as they exchange punches, then end up on the floor with Gilbert landing a chair shot to the back of Smith that makes Hulk Hogan chair shots look brutal. Shot to the face with the ring bell, and Smith is dead on the floor while FUNK is up from commentary and yelling at Gilbert. Somehow this match is still going because… uhhh… I guess they can do what they want? Smith with a very impressive moonsault on his short comeback, and it really shows off how small the ring is because he nearly hits the ropes in the other corner LMAO. Also I was listening to a Tod Gordon shoot earlier and they only had this ring because someone gave it to them for free as long as he got booked lol. Gilbert does his best Lawler impression, pulling something out of his tights and hitting Smith in the face then putting it away, and getting the win. Short match, but fun. Definitely the first match in general that FELT like a proper wrestling match.
Rating: **1/2
Tommy Cairo Vs Super Ninja (JIP)
Super Ninja is someone called Rick Michaels, who was apparently hired as a tailor in WWE in 04 for a year lol. Decent action for the minute or so we see of the match before I think Cairo gets the win and then Hotbody attacks. Hotbody was in the ring as the count was being made and seemed to take his time before hitting Cairo, so maybe the 3 count was made?
Rating: N/A
Big improvement from the first show, even if only 1 match was anything worth sitting through.
ECW Hardcore TV April 20th 1993
Gilbert is out again to start with, but to say sorry to Funk for the last couple of weeks. Funk is having none of it cos Funk isn’t stupid.
Super Ninja & Canadian Wolfman Vs The Super Destroyers
Just a squash match for the tag champs. Goes on far too long for a squash though.
Rating: DUD
After the match, Funk tries to interview the manager of The Super Destroyers… BAM! Chair shot to the back by Eddie Gilbert! This feud is heating up finally.
Jimmy Snuka Vs Tommy Cairo – TV Title Tournament Match
First semi-final of the tournament, and we’re getting the other AND the final on this show! Gilbert is the manager of Snuka so he decides to get on commentary while he’s out here, since he’s taken out Funk.
Nice PILEDRIVER by Snuka, but only gets a 2 count. Gilbert keeps getting involved, but eventually gets taken out with a DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER. Unfortunately when Snuka falls back from it, he takes out the referee, allowing HOTBODY to once again get involved in Cairo’s business and give Snuka the chance to land the big splash and move on to the finals. Decent match for the time it got. Cairo is now no longer undefeated in the ECW.
Rating: *1/2
Decent promo from Gilbert after the match. Continuing the build to a FUNK match.
Glen Osbourne Vs Eddie Gilbert – TV Title Tournament Match
If HOT STUFF can win this match, he’ll advance to the finals to face his own client in Jimmy Snuka. Something tells me a certain TEXAN might stop that from happening though… In the first show, Osbourne’s name was shown as Glenn. Now its just Glen. Where did the N go? WHO STOLE HIS N? Gilbert offers to let Osbourne leave the ring and go home so he doesn’t have to lose. Nice offer, but he doesn’t accept. Long rest hold nearly put me to sleep. Didn’t put Glen to sleep though so the match continues. Lawler impression with something in his tights for the win, but Jay Sulli, the play by play commentator, tells the referee about it and gets Gilbert DQ’d LMAO. REVENGE FOR FUNK, I guess!
Rating: DUD
Gilbert tries to attack Sulli but FUNK comes out with a chair and the real revenge is on! Gilbert escapes and FUNK is back demanding a mic. Great promo. Funk is the best.
The Rockin’ Rebel out here for a promo, wanting to talk to Peaches who kissed The Sandman last week. Looked up Rebel and found out he’s a scumbag who did what Benoit did.
The Rockin’ Rebel Vs Frank Cody
Match is over before I could finish typing out anyone’s name.
Rating: DUD
After the match, Rebel grabs Peach, which causes Sandman to come out for the save, but Tigra jumps Sandman from behind, leading him right into a SURFBOARD shot to the head! The Sandman just got killed by his own surfboard!
Jimmy Snuka Vs Glen Osbourne – TV Title Tournament Finals
Boring stuff. Then another ref bump. Some cheating. Big Splash. Snuka wins. Guess I shouldn’t have expected anything different lol. Snuka is the first ECW TV Champ.
Rating: DUD
Update time on THE SANDMAN. Well, I say update… they just tell us he’s hurt. WE KNOW THAT.
Match quality was the drizzling shits, but plenty of good ANGLES this week. Funk/Gilbert is building nicely. Cairo/Hotstuff keeps on building. And of course the whole BREAKING A SURFBOARD over Sandman’s head.
ECW Hardcore TV April 27th 1993
I was 5 years old on this day. Sulli and Wonderful (Stevie, not Mr) run down the big card for tonight which includes 2 title matches, and of course they get interrupted by HOT STUFF. Apparently he and Funk had an I QUIT match… on a fucking house show. Awesome. The most interesting thing being built up on TV and we don’t even get to see it beyond some clips they show. Oh and we can’t even see all the footage cos its “too violent” according to Tod Gordon. Great. Just fucking great!
Hunter Q Robbins III, the manager of THE SUPER DESTROYERS is offering Stetson and Winters a whole $500 if he can beat the champs. FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS. Big time, right here!
Larry Winters & Tony Stetson Vs The Super Destroyers – ECW Tag Team Championship Match
Boring short match before The Super Destroyers get themselves DQ’d. Thanks for wasting everyone’s time!
Rating: DUD
Salvatore Bellomo Vs Glen Osbourne – ECW TV Title #1 Contenders Match
Gilbert comes out before the start of the match to make some big announcement, but Osbourne is having none of it and just wants to get into his match. Instead, out come Snuka and DON MURACO and Sal and Glen just… leave and let them have an interview lol. Audio sucks and I can barely make out anything that was said.
Chris Candido and Johnny Hotbody are no longer using those names. Instead they announce they are now CHRISTOPHER Candido and JONATHAN Hotbody aka THE SUICIDE BLONDES. Hotbody doesn’t have blonde hair. Also I guess that #1 contenders match is just not happening?
J.T. Smith & Tommy Cairo Vs The Suicide Blondes
Cairo is a decent PUNCHING babyface here, and the Blondes do a nice jump of bumping and stooging before they take control of the match. JT Smith is someone I’ve heard about a lot watching shoots from Tod Gordon, but I’ve only ever actually seen him at ringside during FBI matches. He kinda has that SHELTON BENJAMIN 2004 look and feel to him here, in that he’s got a good look, athletic as hell and potential to be big. Googled him to see what he did outside of ECW only to find he retired in the late 90’s, and is working at a community college now as an “instructional support technologist”. Good for him!Some cheating behind the referee’s back gives the win to the Blondes, in what has to be the best match so far on Hardcore TV! Just a fun, old school TAG MATCH between a bunch of guys who can go.
Rating: ***
Backstage promo from Muraco and Snuka, and its decent. They talk about how they are here to TCB; TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS.
Don Muraco & Jimmy Snuka Vs The Hell Riders
Well, seems Muraco and Snuka are gonna be TCB’ing right now. LMAO Muraco goes after both opponents on his own before the bell, while Snuka doesn’t seem to realise at first he’s supposed to be helping out. TOMBSTONE by Muraco. Then he press slams Snuka onto whichever Hellrider it was, and this one is over nice and quick. Did its job of getting Muraco and Snuka a win as a team.
Rating: 1/2*
Jay Sulli shows us video footage of the SURFBOARD attack from last week, and then we jump right into a match…
The Sandman Vs Rockin’ Rebel – ECW World Heavyweight Championship Match
What a strange way to go about this match, with them cutting to the match already in progress, and doing it only a week after the INCIDENT, which doesn’t really sell the SURFBOARD stuff. Figured this would be a bigger match, but apparently not lol. Crappy match that ends in a DQ when Tigra breaks up a pin. At least they are keeping the angle going and likely actually building to a bigger match between the two.
Rating: DUD
Show ends with Hunter Q Robbins III having an interview with Sulli, as he is informed that next week will be a rematch for the tag titles between The Super Destroyers and Winters/Stetson. Hunter Q Robbins III is not happy.
Pretty awful show, but also had the best Hardcore TV match so far with the Smith/Cairo Vs Blondes tag match. At least one thing they are consistently doing is building matches and feuds up, so that’s good. I just hope when the time comes, we get some decent matches out of it all.
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