ECW Hardcore TV May 4th 1993
Sulli and Wonderful run down the card tonight, which features a couple of big title matches once again! Tod Gordon shows up to remind us of what happened last week between Gilbert and Funk. We get a video of Terry Funk at his ranch, talking to a horse’s ass as if it was Eddie Gilbert. Funk is the best. He’s explaining how to win a Texas Chain Match Massacre. Its a chain match with corner touching.
J.T. Smith & Glen Osbourne Vs Don Muraco & Eddie Gilbert
Smith gets beaten down early, then his big hot tag is just him avoiding multiple elbow drops from Muraco and the actual tag being missed by the camera lol. Smith and Muraco fight on the floor while Osbourne hits a Tombstone on Gilbert, but a run in from PAUL E DANGEROUSLY and a shot with the phone helps Hotstuff International pick up the win!
Short match, mostly a squash, but has the debut of Heyman so it was worth sitting through.
Rating: * (for Heyman debut)
Paul E is here in the ECW and aligned with Hotstuff International because they wanna put Tod Gordon OUT OF BUSINESS. Why? Uhhhh…
Hunter Q Robbins III is backstage with the tag champs THE SUPER DESTROYERS, cutting a promo on Winters and Stetson who get a rematch for the belts tonight after being screwed last week. NO MORE TITLE MATCHES after tonight if they don’t win.
Larry Winters & Tony Stetson Vs The Super Destroyers – ECW Tag Team Championship Match
Winters and Stetson take control early and start working over an arm of the Super Destroyer in the ring, as well as making plenty of quick tags to keep fresh against the bigger opponent. It works for a while, but the POWER is too much and it isn’t long before a tag is made, and the Destroyers take control of this title bout.
Revenge for the arm work as Winters gets his arm smashed against the ring post a few times. It ain’t looking good for the challengers!
Terrible “hot tag”. Second of the night and we’re only two matches in. Does nobody know how to do one?
Stetson goes to back suplex one of the Destroyers back into the ring, but a LOADED GLOVE knocks him out mid-move, and the champs retain their belts!
Ok tag match at best.
Rating: *1/2
Sal Bellomo cuts a promo. He talks but says nothing.
The Sandman Vs Sal Bellomo – ECW World Heavyweight Championship Match
Ok, Sal is getting a title shot because… ??? I know last week he was set to have a #1 contenders match, but it never took place. I can only assume it happened on a house show instead lol.
This is horrible. Legit HORRIBLE. Goes a couple of minutes and then Sal just… gets counted out.
Rating: DUD
The Rockin’ Rebel and Tigra with a promo. Like Sal, he doesn’t really say anything. Pointless.
The Rockin’ Rebel Vs Ernesto Benefico
Oh hey, Ernesto is back. Wonder if he can last longer than 10 seconds in the ring this time.
He does.
Which is a shame because 10 seconds would have been better for this awful squash.
Rating: DUD
Tod Gordon and Hunter Q Robbins III are interviewed by Sulli, and Gordon has a contract for ANOTHER match between The Super Destroyers and Winters & Stetson. This time though, if Winters & Stetson don’t win, they will shave their heads. Hunter Q Robbins III happily signs on the contract without reading it, and Tod Gordon tells him that during the match, Hunter will be handcuffed to TOMMY CAIRO!
The Suicide Blondes with… the same interview as last week? Basically, yeah. They introduce their “new” names and talk about how they will face anyone.
Jonathan Hotbody Vs Tommy Cairo
Last week, Cairo and Smith lost a tag match to the Blondes via CHEATING, so Cairo is out for some revenge since Smith already wrestled tonight.
MOAR cheating taking place here, with Candido attacking Cairo on the floor while Hotbody has the referee distracted. Big SUPERPLEX that kinda looked more like a top rope DDT from Hotbody.
Cairo manages to use the cheating of the Blondes to his advantage, sending Hotbody into Candido who was getting onto the apron for no doubt a cheap shot, then rolling up Hotbody for the win! They all continue to brawl after the match and that’s how the show goes off the air.
Ok match, but too short to be anything worth watching tbh.
Rating: *
Bad show. Best parts where FUNK video package talking to the horse’s ass, and Heyman making his debut.
ECW Hardcore TV May 11th 1993
We start off with Sulli and Gordon going over the show, most notably HAIR VS BELT tag match. Time permitting, a mixed tag match between The Sandman & Peaches Vs Rockin’ Rebel & Tigra. I hope they run out of time first. A TEXAS CHAIN MATCH has been signed between Funk and Gilbert. No idea when for, wasn’t made clear. But mention of Gilbert brings out HEYMAN to say that match is cancelled. Gordon tells Heyman to sue him, cos the contract is set in stone! Shocking, but Heyman rules on the mic.
FUNK is back on his ranch for another no doubt awesome video. Someone shows up claiming to be Eddie Gilbert’s brother, REAL HOT STUFF. Oh god this is fucking HILARIOUS. Funk picks him up, but its a doll, and he throws him inot a tractor then runs him over. At no point does it look real or try to look real and its amazing. How have I not seen this shit before?
Larry Winters & Tony Stetson Vs The Super Destroyers – ECW Tag Team Championship Vs Hair Match
Titles Vs Hair! Winters and Stetson don’t even get an entrance lol, but they jump the Destroyers before the belt and this one is already a BRAWL. Oh yeah Hunter Q Robbins III is handcuffed to Tommy Ciaro so he can’t hand over an ILLEGAL OBJECT again and cost Winters and Stetson the match.
One of the Super Destroyers actually dives off the second rope to the floor onto Winters, showing how seriously they are taking this match. LMFAO amazing spot:
Yes, that was a missed sliding dropkick into a low blow!
Stetson and one of the Destroyers are rolling around on the match taking turns at hitting each other, and they try to roll out to the floor but the Destroyer is too THICC to get under the bottom rope lol.
CHAIR TO WINTERS on the outside.
Hunter Q Robbins’ cane is thrown into the ring, but Stetson grabs it first, hits Destroyer and gets the win (its no DQ btw)! New tag champs!
I enjoyed this one.
Rating: ***
Jimmy Snuka & Eddie Gilbert Vs J.T. Smith & Max Thrasher
Thrasher is the former tag partner of Glen Osbourne, and together they were the first ECW tag champs before losing to The Destroyers, leading to Thrasher to turn on his partner. Lets see if his new team with Smith works out any better!
Holy fuck what WAS that? It was awesome, whatever it was!
Smith is on a role until Hotstuff gets tagged in, and some illegal shots on the floor from Snuka put Hotstuff International in firm control. Snuka makes a mistake though, chopping Smith right into his own corner allowing Thrasher to tag in… but its only 30 seconds later that Thrasher takes a big splash from Snuka and the match is over.
Decent little match.
Rating: **
Holy fuck. Like, HOLY FUCK. There is an advert for upcoming house shows and they have a FAKE TERRY FUNK narrating it. He sounds like Bruce Prichard doing a Funk impression. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA? WHY DIDN’T YOU GET THE REAL TERRY FUNK TO DO IT?
Ah, just what this show needed after being genuinely good so far; a Sal Bellomo promo backstage. He hates everyone, but he likes kids. Uhhh… what?
Sal Bellomo Vs The Canadian Wolfman
The Canadian Wolfman looks like a gimmick Vince would have given to Mike Shaw.
Bellomo beats the crap out of Wolfman and gets the win quickly. Fine enough for a short squash.
Rating: 1/2*
Jonathan Hotbody Vs Tommy Cairo – Lumberjack Match
Good start to this one with Cairo being the hot babyface beating the hell out of Hotbody, and Hotbody constantly trying to escape to the outside but being thrown back in over and over again. Simple Lumberjack PSYCHOLOGY.
Low blow done in a way that the referee didn’t see it gives Hotbody chance to take over the match, but it doesn’t last long. Candido keeps trying to prevent the other Lumberjacks from throwing his partner back in so he can rest up.
A brawl starts on the outside with the Lumberjacks, distracting the referee as HUNTER Q ROBBINS III shows up and decks Cairo with his cane, and Hotbody picks up the win.
This was much shorter than I was hoping for, so it never really kicked into a higher gear.
Rating: **
The Sandman & Peaches Vs Rockin’ Robin & Tigra
Damn, they had time for it. Or some of it. The show ends with it still going on. Was horrible.
Rating: DUD
Other than the main event, this was a great show! Absolutely the best ECW Hardcore TV ep yet!
ECW Hardcore TV May 18th 1993
Sulli and Wonderful open the show to run down the card. They get interrupted by HEYMAN. This leads to a confrontation between Heyman and Gordon. Muraco shows up to intimidate Gordon who runs off to the back. Muraco cuts a promo claiming he’s the one true SURFER in ECW and craps on The Sandman. Verbally, not literally. Not even ECW would go there. I think.
Look back at the tag title change from last week. And by “look back” I think they showed the entire match lol. I skipped through it cos, ya know, I ALREADY SAW IT.
Jimmy Snuka & Eddie Gilbert Vs J.T. Smith & Max Thrasher
Rematch from last week. Can Smith and Thrasher avenge their loss? Probably not.
Standard match, then Smith ends up crashing into his own partner by accident, causing Thrasher to trip Smith and walk out on his partner, leading to another loss.
Rating: *
TERRY FUNK AT HIS RANCH. Talking up his upcoming TEXAS CHAIN MATCH and how BRUTAL this type of match is.
Suicide Blondes with a backstage promo. Apparently they got knighted by the Queen and sold out Wembley 3 nights in a row. Totes believe them.
The Suicide Blondes Vs Larry Winters & Tony Stetson
Oh god I just burst out laughing at the commentary before the match even started. Sulli mentions the Blondes are back from a tour of England and asks Stevie Wonderful to tell us what that was all about… Wonderful just says “We’ve got Jonathan Hotbody and Christopher Candido the Suicide Blondes” then just STOPS talking and we get a few seconds of dead air and they both move on
. So much for telling us about the England tour!
During the match Sal Bellomo comes out but he’s wearing a mask so obviously nobody knows who he is. He ventures over to commentary and tells them he’s THE SUPER DESTROYER #3. Then takes his mask off and tells the camera to keep it secret.
Decent tag match, certainly better than the previous match, with a fun double sunset flip ending as the champs win this non title match.
Rating: **
After the match, The Suicide Blondes attack the champs on their way to the back. So… what about Bellomo? What was the point of him?
Don Muraco Vs Glen Osbourne
Well this should be a classic…
Best part of the match is when the camera focuses on Heyman and Snuka having a convo and they both notice and just stare at the camera man until Heyman pushes him away.
Nothing but a squash, that lasts a little too long. Tombstone from Muraco and this one is done.
Rating: DUD
The Sandman Vs Rockin’ Rebel – ECW World Heavyweight Championship Match
Peaches and Tigra are BANNED from ringside. How exciting.
Highlight of this one is when Rebel refuses to get back into the ring, so Sandman just lays down and lets Rebel come in and beat him up, just so the match can continue lol.
Remember how Peaches and Tigra were BANNED from ringside? They show up anyway. It ends the match so I’m all for it. Dreadful shit from Sandman as usual.
Rating: DUD
Bellomo is back handing out Pizza slices to fans. Then he eats some Pizza and cuts a promo saying THE SUPER DESTROYER #3 is coming next week.
What a difference a week makes. Great show last week… mostly poop this week.
ECW Hardcore TV May 25th 1993
Recap of the opening from last week with Heyman and Tod Gordon. Then the usual run down of the card from Sulli and Wonderful. Couple of title matches and THE SUPER DESTROYER #3 debut!
The Super Destroyer #3 Vs H.D. Rider
Totally not Sal Bellomo comes out in his new outfit as the new Super Destroyer. A fan gives him a pizza box on his way to the ring. I wonder what the other Super Destroyers think of this? At this point in time I’m… enjoying it? Its funny. He’s clearly just Sal in a mask, plus he keeps LIFTING THE MASK UP and asking people to shhhhhh and not tell his secret. I just hope it actually goes somewhere.
Super Destroyer #3 is DESTROYING his opponent, but keeps having to lift the mask up to take a breath
. BIG SPLASH and its over… but here come the REAL Super Destroyers who jump Bellomo!
Rating: *
The mask of Bellomo is ripped off his face, and he takes a beating from the former tag champs and even Hunter Q Robbins III gets a few shots in. I guess that’s the end of that gimmick?
The Suicide Blondes Vs Larry Winters & Tony Stetson – ECW Tag Team Championship Match
Last week in a non title match, the Blondes lost. So this week they get a title match. LOGIC~!
I guess the explanation is that the Blondes attacked the champs after the match so in order to get them back in the ring for some revenge they had to stick the belts on the line. None of this is explained of course, I’m just booking it in my head.
Hard to really say much about this match. Its just a solid tag match with nothing extraordinary taking place for me to mention, until the end where the referee gets taken out and the Blondes make sure to CHEAT and win the titles.
New champs.
Rating: **
Sulli and Gordon talking about the upcoming CHAIN MATCH and Heyman shows up again to get in Gordon’s face. Heyman manipulates Gordon into going to the back and getting The Sandman to agree to a title match against Muraco.
Don Muraco Vs Ernesto Benefico
Ahh, its ECW’s main jobber ERNESTO!
Muraco even has time to take a phone call during this match cos poor Ernesto is just no threat whatsoever. Not sure what the fuck Don was trying to do, he presses Ernesto up then it LOOKS like Ernesto was trying to counter with a sunset flip but Muraco isn’t selling it and he just kinda… lets go of Ernesto.
Tombstone and this is over. Short and to the point. The best we can ask for in a Muraco match in 1993.
Rating: 1/2*
The Canadian Wolfman & Max Thrasher Vs J.T. Smith & Tommy Cairo
Last week Thrasher turned on his partner Smith, so this week both men have gotten new partners to go up against each other. Stevie Wonderful says Cairo reminds him of Rick Steiner. Hopefully just in terms of a wrestler and not his opinions outside of the ring…
We get some action between Thrasher and Cairo, then Smith and Wolfman, before finally Smith and Thrasher are in the ring together… only for Thrasher to tag back out straight away. He don’t want none of Smith!
Double team to Wolfman and Smith pins him for the win as Thrasher looks on from the apron not even attempting to help his partner!
Rating: *
Jimmy Snuka Vs Glen Osbourne – ECW TV Championship Match
This is Snuka’s first title defence (on TV, anyway, who knows about house shows)… and its against the man he beat in the tournament finals to win the belt. That match sucked balls, so I’m expecting nothing from this one.
Boring shitty match that ends with a splash from the ropes. Thankfully it was only like 3 minutes long. That’s the only positive about it.
Rating: DUD
Tod Gordon is out again, only to be interrupted by THE OTHER ONE aka Eddie Gilbert. They argue over the upcoming CHAIN MATCH and how Gilbert clearly doesn’t wanna do it. Another FUNK promo is shown. He’s shirtless with a chain around his neck. Thought I should point that out. Good promo of course. Its FUNK.
Back to Gordon and Sulli as Gilbert has run off. The Sandman Vs Don Muraco is officially announced for next week with the title on the line.
Another mostly garbage show. But at least the bad matches are usually short, so that’s something. Only a couple of more shows to go until the big SUMMER SIZZLER show with FUNK VS GILBERT in a chain match though!
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