Seth Rollins Vs Rey Mysterio – Eye For An Eye Match
The only way to win an eye for an eye match is… TO EXTRACT AN EYE FROM YOUR OPPONENT.
EXTRACT. AN EYE. FROM YOUR OPPONENT.
ON LIVE PPV.
Isn’t this shit supposed to be PG?
Also… the fallout of this match has to be kept up FOREVER. Everyone assumes Rey is losing as his contract is up and he’s leaving the company. But what if he sticks around? Or returns? DUDE WILL HAVE TO PRETEND TO HAVE ONE EYE for the rest of his career. The rest of his LIFE. Hilarious!
But what if SETH loses? He’s younger, has more years left. PIRATE ROLLINS 4 LYFE~!
Ok, match has started now. Looks like its gonna be done as a regular match until the finish that they will have done some crazy “cinematic” shit for. Which is what I’m here for tbh.
Mysterio grabs a piece of steel pipe, while Seth gets himself a kendo stick. The kendo stick has a longer reach so it probs the smarter move, however Rey avoids any damaging shots and gains control and… doesn’t bother getting the pipe back? I’d have a weapon in my hands as much as possible in a match like this!
Doesn’t take long for the match to turn into a “amma stab you in the eye with this random weapon” lol. Which is exactly what it SHOULD BE, tbh. Had to laugh at the referee running over to check on Seth after he went face first into the corner of the announce table. “HEY SETH YOU STILL GOT 2 EYES, BRO?” Like seriously, did the referee honestly think Seth’s eye would have COME OUT from that? This isn’t a “first blood from the eye” match. You have to EXTRACT AN EYE. Its gonna take a bit more than being pushed into an announce table ffs.
Mysterio breaks up a kendo stick and basically has 2 giant chopsticks to try and EXTRACT THE EYE . Now he’s shoving Seth eye first into the ring steps, just like Seth did to him! GET HIM, REY! TAKE HIS FUCKING EYE!
Low blow . Seth is saved. Booooo.
Curb Stomp. Now its Seth’s turn to try and take an eye! He shoves his eye into the ring steps once again and… that’s it apparently. We don’t see a missing eye or anything.
LAME AS FUCK.
Seth vomits though. Just as I usually do after sitting through his matches.
FUCK THIS LAME SHIT. NO EYE WAS EXTRACTED. WE SAW NOTHING. BOOOO. BOOOOO THIS MATCH.
Braun Strowman Vs Bray Wyatt – SWAMP FIGHT
So, Braun shows up at the SWAMP in his car, and Bray is just sat in a rocking chair waiting for him. RUN THE FUCKER OVER. Or get out and stare at him. Whatever…
Animal noises .
Random people attacking Braun.
BRAUN STROWMAN JUST HIT BRAUN STROWMAN IN THE BACK WITH A SHOVEL. THIS IS REAL. I THINK. WHAT WAS IN MY DRINK?
Braun is now chained up to a chair. Except its done so shitty I think he could just stand up and leave any time he wanted. PUT SOME EFFORT INTO IT, GUYS.
Talking. Lots of talking. Yawn.
Oh look. A snake now. It… bit him and… now Braun is outside next to a fire beating up more random dudes? Ok.
What just happened? He hit a dude in the head with a shovel, and the dude was still basically fine. Then the dude lays next to the fire and… gets set on fire without touching the fire. And the guy just runs off.
Now Alexa Bliss is here. Or something. Bray shows up out of nowhere and tries to EXTRACT BRAUN’S EYES and gets slammed onto a boat. And the boat starts up on its own and sends Bray out on the swamp. Then another boat comes back towards Braun from the opposite direction. But nobody is in it. Then Bray appears and tries to drown Braun.
What am I doing with my life?
For a swamp, the water seems pretty clear. Wonder what Bray does to keep it like that…
Oh yeah. Just had a thought. HOW DOES ONE WIN A SWAMP FIGHT?
They both end up in the “swamp”, pulling each other under. Then the water turns red and THE FIEND appears. And that’s the end of that, apparently.
Fucking hell this was shite.