Survivor Series 2006 PPV Ramblings

Survivor Series 2006

Well… time to get this out of the way so I can finish 2006 PPV’s with ARMAGEDDON.

Ric Flair, Dusty Rhodes, Ron Simmons & Sgt Slaughter Vs Kenny, Johnny, Nicky & Mikey – Traditional Survivor Series Elimination Match

A bunch of old men vs male cheerleaders.

ARN ANDERSON in the corner of the legends .

Mitch is stuck on the outside for the Spirit Squad. LOL.

Piper was supposed to be in this match, but was replaced by Simmons when Piper was diagnosed with cancer and needed surgery.

Simmons starting things off . I don’t think all 5 members of the Spirit Squad combined can match the POWER of Ron Simmons.

POWERSLAM~!

SIMMONS TAKING OUT THE ENTIRE SPIRIT SQUAD~!

Mitch trips Simmons up, so Simmons chases him and gets counted out . ARN smashes Mitch into the ring post, Simmons gives him a Spinebuster, and the referee kicks Mitch out for tripping up Ron!

Bah, Anderson gets sent to the back too .

BULLSHIT chant at that call from the referee .

Ziggler mocking Slaughter . Doesn’t go well for him .

Ziggler gets destroyed by all the legends, then passes out in the Cobra Clutch, but Sarge gets kicked in the back of the head and Ziggler gets pulled over for the cover and eliminates him without doing a damn thing .

ELBOW~! Dusty pins Ziggler. ZIGGLER GOT NO OFFENCE IN AND ELIMINATED SOMEONE .

Dusty gets pinned, leaving Flair to battle 3 members of the Spirit Squad on his own.

FLAIR WINS .

Well this was.. pretty short and not awful or anything, just not something I’d ever feel the need to watch again .

Rating: *
CAL SCALE – 0

Chris Benoit Vs Chavo Guerrero – WWE United States Championship Match

Well, time to see if Benoit can carry Chabo to a match that doesn’t make me wanna shoot myself.

Remember the angle involving Eddie’s Estate? Neither does WWE because it went nowhere .

So according to JBL, Chabo is a 2nd generation wrestler. Did he confuse him with his dad? Nah, nobody is that stupid. Chavo CLASSIC was great.

Benoit is good here, as you would expect. His awesome style of never letting his opponent breath, even when he’s being beat down, is something I will never tire of. Chabo shows some nice aggression at times too… and then at other times he looks like a goof play fighting with someone . Technically he IS, but come on, don’t make it LOOK like you’re doing that.

FROG SPLASH~! Sorry, only EDDIE can pin people with that .

EDDIE chants… which make about as much sense as a USA chant would in this match. Eddie chant could motivate BOTH guys…

Crossface. Benoit wins.

Thankfully this didn’t last 20 minutes or something, so they kept it short and were able to keep as much shite (aka CHABO STUFF) out of the match.

Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1

Todd Grisham is interviewing LITA’S BOOB. Lita is retiring tonight . Oh hey, Edge is there too. Didn’t notice him. Cryme Tyme can be seen in the background breaking into Lita’s locker room and stealing her panties. Fucking perverted thieving bastards…

Lita Vs Mickie James – WWE Women’s Championship Match

SHE’S A CRACK WHORE chants. FUCK YOU, WWE FANS!!!

Mickie James’ ass is on display for 99% of the match .

Wrestling wise… well it’s better than their Cyber Sunday bout that was just total trash lol .

Much of what they do might not look tht great, but hey, at least it’s not a sloppy mess like the last time .

SHE’S GOT HERPES chant. I hate the fans sometimes .

awesome series of kicks from Mickie!

awesome view of Mickie after the Fisherman’s Suplex!

MOONSAULT~!

MICKIE KICKS OUT~!

Big DDT by Mickie, and she wins the women’s championship!

Cryme Tyme show up afterwards to sell off Lita’s underwear. At the time I hated this whole thing. Lita is awesome and deserved a proper send off… but she was a HEEL at the time, so this was a great way to go out! Just like Jericho in 2005 when he was dragged out kicking and screaming. He was a heel and wanted to LEAVE like a heel, so I can easily see Lita wanting to do the same here.

Actual match is decent. Nothing more, nothing less.

Rating: **
CAL SCALE – 0.5

awesome clip of a Batista interview, where he just sits there, doesn’t move, and doesn’t say anything. His best interview EVER!!!

Triple H, Shawn Michaels, CM Punk, Matt Hardy & Jeff Hardy Vs Edge, Randy Orton, Johnny Nitro, Gregory Helms & Mike Knox – Traditional Survivor Series Elimination Match

DX pander to the crowd and… the crowd chant for CM Punk . So HHH at least realises his popularity and hands him the mic to ask Philly if they are READY .

MELINA FAP~!

I think Kelly Kelly forgot her clothes. She never was the brightest knife in the drawer though… .

HHH spots Kelly Kelly and askes her to take her tits out. Knox ain’t happen and… well…

I’m a fan of Mike Knox these days, but back in 2006 when he first showed up on ECW, I really couldn’t care less about the guy. So it was, and still is, HILARIOUS to see HBK superkick him in the face, pin him, then ask the rest of his team if he was part of the match .

then we get that awesome moment of HBK sliding out of the ring and putting his arm around Melina, who thinks its Nitro. She realises its Shawn, screams, causing Shawn to scream too . Fun stuff.

PUNK . Comes in, mauls Nitro and makes him TAP OUT!

5 on 3 now, so I guess the heels have got to eliminate SOMEONE now, right? Ahhh, Edge is in against Punk. Punk is a newbie in the WWE and Edge won the WWE title twice in 2006 so surely this is gonna be the first elimination, right?

Nope, Orton tags in. I guess Orton is gonna be the one to eliminate Punk, right?

Nope, Helms tags in, and starts throwing those big knees to the face . Helms has been on a roll all year as the CW champ, so maybe they’re gonna give HIM the Punk elimination, right?

Nope, Orton tags in. See what I said about Orton a couple of lines up? That’s what I wanna say here again too .

RKO TO PUNK~! See, I knew it! Orton is getting the elimination!

Nope . HBK breaks up the pin! Wait… they can DO THAT? WHY DOES NOBODY ELSE EVER DO IT?!?!

Hot tag to HHH, and hot tag to Helms on the other side and… well, Helms ain’t beating HHH . Love how Jeff and Shawn run into the ring to help out HHH when Edge runs in, meanwhile Matt just stands on the apron like a lazy bastard .

TWIST OF FATE~! SWANTON~! Matt eliminates Helms.

5 on 2 now, with Rated RKO left all alone! They are two main eventers, AND the tag champs though, so SURELY they’ll get rid of a couple at least, right? Punk, then maybe one of the Hardy Boys?

Nope .

SUPERKICK~! Edge is GONE!

Well, Orton IS the king of Survivor Series, right? He was the sole survivor in 2003, 2004 and 2005! If anyone can do it, it’s RANDY MOTHERFUCKING SOLE SURVIVOR ORTON, right?

Nope .

Superkick into a Pedigree, and this is done.

the heels got absolutely CRUSHED . WHO BOOKED THIS SHIT? I mean yeah, it’s fun as fuck to watch, but seriously, who thought it was a GOOD idea to have a clean sweep win over the heels?!?!

Rating: **3/4
CAL SCALE – 1

The Undertaker Vs Mr Kennedy – First Blood Match

Kennedy wastes no time taking off a couple of turnbuckle pads before the match! It helped him in their No Mercy match (aka pissed off Undertaker so much he got himself DQ’d ), and in a first blood match it might help even more!

Undertaker makes his entrance, and once Kennedy lays eyes on the Dead Man, he decides to take off ANOTHER turnbuckle pad lol.

PUNCHES TO THE FACE .

We Want lEsner sign in the crowd lol. As well as a HI FISH sign.

Fuck me, Kennedy, like JBL, knows how to take a big boot to the face from the Dead Man to PERFECTION .

Kennedy fights back, but this just seems to ANGER Undertaker, who now focuses his attack from the HEAD of Kennedy to the RIBS. That way, if he makes Kennedy bleed, it’s going to be INTERNAL BLEEDING, which is far worse! If I were Kennedy, I would have just bladed once the bell rang and saved myself a lot of pain!

UNDERTAKER WITH A SUPERPLEX!!!

MORE SHOTS TO THE RIBS!!!

LOW BLOW out of desperation from Mr Kennedy! Guess he’s trying to make Undertaker piss blood?

Undertaker is just BRUTALISING Kennedy’s ribs!

ANOTHER LOW BLOW~!

Kennedy rolls to the outside and he’s bleeding! He is bleeding internally! But the referee can’t see, and MVP shows up and cleans Kennedy up! D’awwww, MVP and Kennedy are such good friends .

Well, except for those multiple occasions when Kennedy sent MVP to the wolves aka BOD. PAYBACK FOR MVP~! He throws Kennedy back into the ring for more punishment!!!

Kennedy is screaming out in pain .

those exposed turnbuckles come into play . These guys don’t do ANYTHING that doesn’t get a payoff .

Undertaker isn’t bleeding yet though, but Kennedy is making a comeback. MVP gets in the ring with a chair to take out Kennedy and… SMASHES IT IN THE FACE OF THE DEAD MAN!

Undertaker is now bleeding! The referee sees it and Mr Kennedy just beat The Undertaker in a fucking first blood match! Holy shit!!!

Silly Kennedy though, doesn’t know when to leave. And Undertaker gets back up. Payback is a BITCH.

Great, great match.

Rating: ***3/4
CAL SCALE – 4

John Cena, Kane, Bobby Lashley, Sabu & RVD Vs The Big Show, Finlay, Umaga, Test & MVP – Traditional Survivor Series Elimination Match

Cena goes crazy and wipes out the heel team single handed right at the start. Umaga isn’t happy, so he rips apart an announce table, steals a momitor and hits everyone in sight, including Cena! Well, I was wondering how they were gonna protect Umaga’s streak of never being pinned or forced to submit. Didn’t expect the answer so quickly lol.

Holy motherfucking shit. RVD is usually sloppy and stiff with those kicks, and the shot to FINLAY’S HEAD would have probably killed a normal man. Jebus. I mean WOW. I’m surprised my neighbours haven’t come to the house complaining about the noise it made!

Oh hey MVP just got pinned. And then Test kicked RVD’s head off and pinned him .

SPEAR TO TEST ON THE FLOOR~!

DDT from Sabu, and Test is gone! LOL.

Big Show just turned a crossbody counter into a CHOKESLAM . See ya later, Sabu!

Kane and Big Show stare down . Big Show points to his eye, making reference to what happened MONTHS ago!!!

LITTLE BASTARD~! Finlay cracks Kane in the back of the head! Chokeslam! Kane is gone!

Cena/Lashley Vs Big Show/Finlay! Not a bad tag match on paper tbh lol!

Seeing Finlay maul Cena makes me so damn happy. Giddy, even! Oh, if only Finlay was the WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION at this time. Stupid Stephanie.

All hell is breaking loose! FINLAY THROWS LITTLE BASTARD AT LASHLEY WHO DUCKS AND SPEARS FINLAY, WHILE CENA CATCHES LITTLE BASTARD, GIVES HIM AN F-U, AND FINLAY GETS PINNED!!! If Finlay had to lose here, I think that might have been the most awesome way for him to go out!!!

at Cena getting booed every time he tags in .

DISCHARGE THE MARINE sign .

F-U TO BIG SHOW! BAH GAWD I SWEAR I HAVE NEVER SEEN THAT IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!

This one is done. A lot of fun tbh . And hey, the heels here looked a hell of a lot better than the heels in the OTHER big tag . FINLAY was awesome.

Rating: ***
CAL SCALE – 2

Booker T Vs Batista – World Heavyweight Championship Match

who thought it would be a good idea for THIS MATCH to main event the PPV?

hsp = dir * movespeed;
vsp += grav;

//Horizontal Collision
if (place_meeting(x+hsp,y,obj_wall))
{
while(!place_meeting(x+sign(hsp),y,obj_wall))
{
x+= sign(hsp);
}
hsp = 0;

dir *= -1;
}
x += hsp;
//Vertical Collision
if (place_meeting(x,y+vsp,obj_wall))
{
while(!place_meeting(x,y+sign(vsp),obj_wall))
{
y+= sign(vsp);
}
vsp = 0;
if (fearofheights) && !position_meeting(x+(sprite_width/2)*dir,y+(sprite_height/2)+1,obj_wall)
{
dir*= -1;
}
}

y += vsp;

//Enemy Collision
if (place_meeting(x,y,obj_player))
{
if (obj_player.y < y-16) //16 represents half the image size from middle to the top
{
with (obj_player) vsp = -jumpspeed;
instance_destroy();
}
else
{
scr_death();
}
}

Awww, shit. Typed all that in the wrong place. Wait… if I typed THAT in HERE… then what the fuck have I just typed into Gamemaker?

Oh yeah, something like this:

THIS MATCH SUCKS BALLS. GO AWAY. I HATE THIS MATCH. IT’S SHIT. FUCK OFF. PILE OF WANK. URGH.

Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0

Overall CAL SCALE – 8.5