Seth Rollins Vs The Fiend Bray Wyatt – Hell in a Cell Match
So I’ve heard a LOT about this match since it aired. All of it BAD . Normally I avoid modern wrestling in general outside of the RR and WM shows, because it just makes me… angry. Modern wrestling is not for me. So why watch it if its gonna piss me off?
That being said… I just couldn’t pass up this match. Everything I’ve heard about it sounds so terribly bad and hilariously shit that it intrigues me. Kinda like how people play bad video games to see just HOW BAD they actually are.
Seth is making his way to the ring and I’m already bored. Best thing I read about Seth recently was that he’s a “wet mop that can do a phoenix splash” . The wet mop part describing his charisma.
Urgh, the red cell. Who came up with that idea? And who decided to BRING IT BACK? Looks cheap and tacky and not like some HELLISH structure like it does when its just RAW METAL and not painted. Feels like something TNA would do.
Here comes BRAY FIEND WYATT, THE. Aka Beetlejuice mixed with The Joker. Only with less in ring ability!!!
Not only is the cell red because stuff, but apparently someone was re-watching Kane’s early run and decided red lighting was a good idea too! They were wrong.
For some reason THE FIEND is impervious to pain. Or Kendo Stick shots, anyway. Why? No idea. I mean, other than having a spooky mask, what IS Bray’s character, exactly? Normal Bray is a children’s TV Show host, and The Fiend is… uhhh… he’s… evil? At least with The Undertaker and his no selling it did make sense character wise cos he was fucking DEAD. Bray is wearing a spooky mask. Kinda like how Finn Balor becomes superhuman when he paints his face. Makes no sense but its WRESTLING so we just have to deal with it. Or not watch. Which I typically prefer .
STEEL STEPS. Officially better than Kendo Sticks, as they hurt Bray. Instead of capitalising on Bray being down… Seth wastes time setting up a table. LOL.
SISTER ABIGAIL INTO DA CELL~!
And it does… basically nothing as the moment they get back in the ring, Seth comes back, puts Bray on the table and splashes him through it . Bray no sells it.
SHITTY FAKE NECK SNAP~!
NO COVER ATTEMPT~!
HILARIOUSLY OVER-SIZED HAMMER~!
LOOKS LIKE ITS MADE OUT OF CARDBOARD~!
USES IT TO PUSH ROLLINS INTO THE CELL INSTEAD OF HITTING HIM IN THE HEAD WITH IT~!
JUMPING KNEE TO THE FACE~!
I THINK HE DID A SECOND ONE BUT IT LOOKED LIKE IT MISSED~!
KICK OUT AT FUCKING ONE~!
BRAY IS DEAD~!
SETH GOES FOR A STEEL CHAIR INSTEAD~!
PIN HIM YOU UTTER MORONIC FUCK~!
CHAIR TO THE FACE~!
KICKOUT AT FUCKING ONE~!
CHAIR ACROSS THE… SHOULDER OF BRAY~!
LADDER SMASHED INTO THE CHAIR~!
WHAT IS THIS SHIT?~!
3 KENDO STICKS~!
A TOOL BOX~!
BRAY STILL DEAD~!
HE PUTS THE LADDER ON BRAY’S FACE, THEN PUTS THE STEEL CHAIR IN BETWEEN THE LADDER AS IF THAT WILL FUCKING DO ANYTHING~!
And then he smashes the tool box onto the ladder. Then puts the tool box onto the ladder. Doesn’t go for a cover still despite Bray still being DEAD . He’s been laid on the mat for like 10 fucking minutes .
Seth continues to waste more time searching for shit under the ring. Apparently he didn’t need those Kendo Sticks he got out earlier.
SLEDGY THE SLEDGEHAMMER!!!
The referee tries to talk sense into Seth by telling him not to do it and that “ITS NOT YOU” . Seth hits the mountain of metal on top of Bray with the Sledgehammer… and the referee CALLS FOR THE BELL IN A HELL IN A CELL match .
This is the same match that Mick Foley almost DIED in. 3 times. In 2 matches. The same match where people have been hit with chairs, steel steps, ladders, tables, SLEDGEHAMMERS and more over the years and kept on going. But apparently this was the line being crossed .
Fans chanting bullshit and wanting refunds .
BRAY NO SELLS IT ALL AND GETS BACK UP TO CONTINUE ATTACKING SETH .
Seth is dripping blood from his mouth apparently .
Lights go out and all we hear are BOOS from the crowd .
Show ends that way .
Holy fuck. What a ride. You know how people like to say that Taker/Mankind match is 2 spots and nothing more? Except they are wrong because a lot of cool shit happens after both falls? Well… this match is quite literally nothing more than spots. Nothing else happens. Finishers. Weapon shots. Finishers. Some more finishers. A finish for good measure. Followed by a finisher or two. And then another billion finishers for the hell of it. And one of the worst, dumbest endings to a match EVER. A HELL IN A CELL MATCH ENDS IN A NO DQ/NO CONTEST/NO LOGIC. Vince McMahon either thought this up or was pitched this idea and somehow thought it was GOOD. How is this man a billionaire again? How the fuck is he richer than me? He’s out of his fucking mind. Even Vince Russo wouldn’t book this shit. He’d probably think of it, but even he wouldn’t go through with it. Maybe.
Ok, I need to apologise. I got something EXTREMELY wrong. I kept using the word “finisher” in that last paragraph, but clearly THERE IS NO SUCH FUCKING THING any more. You see, a FINISHING MOVE tends to, oh I dunno… FINISH A FUCKING MATCH. Not lead to the next shitty spot. Wanna know something else? This is modern wrestling. THIS. But I can hear you saying “No Cal, other matches aren’t just finisher after finisher”. No, they aren’t. The only difference between every other match these days and this is that they spend 30 fucking minutes flipping around first before they hit a bunch of moves over and over and act like they are finishers except they don’t finish a fucking thing.
Screw you, modern wrestling.
Screw you, WWE.
Screw you, you. Yeah, YOU. You know who you are. I dunno. I’m rambling at this point.
Rating: Vince McMahon is senile/10.