THE GREATEST WRESTLING MATCH EVER
Randy Orton Vs Edge
So, after one of the most boring, dull and crappy LMS matches ever at WM, someone at WWE decided that these two should go backwards and have a… wrestling match?
Ok. So its not THAT bad. Except they then decide to hype it up as THE GREATEST WRESTLING MATCH EVER. Based on… uhhh… neither of them being in any matches that can be considered the greatest ever. And only having 2 good/great matches with each other in the past.
Want it to get even WORSE? Not only are they over hyping it, which can only lead to disappointment, but they are doing it with a near 50 year old man who was retired for 8 years and was never very good to begin with… and a 40something year old who has the talent but hasn’t had the passion to be anything more than mediocre for about 8 years.
GENIUS.
Oh yeah and lets do it while we still have no fans in the crowd! But we have other wrestlers who we can order to cheer, boo and do other chants as and when we please so it seems better than it actually is! Oh! And record it a week before the PPV so we can edit it and fix mistakes! YEAH!
Uhhh… what? Why is dead Howard Finkle doing the match announcements? Why are they pretending this is MSG? Why is Lil’ Naitch dressed like an 80’s referee? How and why was there a camera angle UNDERNEATH THEM as they lock up?
ARM DRAGS~! Ok, if you want me to try and get into a match, ARM DRAGS are the way to go as it reminds me of STEAMBOAT. And Steamboat is goooood. Loved the way Orton blocked the final arm drag. I actually don’t think I’ve seen that before. And I’ve seen a LOT of matches. And a LOT of arm drags. Seeing something new in 2020 that isn’t some high spot flippy flippy thing is an achievement!
Orton avoiding the HEADLOCK attempt now. If anyone knows about headlocks its him.
That TRIP 
. So far they are doing a really good job here, I gotta say. They are doing a ton of “basic” stuff because its a straight up wrestling match, but they are also countering the basic things in new and unique ways and I am kinda loving it.
ARM DRAG~! Catches Orton off guard this time and allows Edge to gain control and use an ARM BAR (if you heard that in Jericho’s voice then you is teh kewl). Nice to hear the commentators bring up the history of shoulder injuries with Orton and do it in a way that isn’t… how should I put it? Michael Cole. Yes. His name is the term. If Cole was commentating this and Edge locked in an ARM BAR I can almost hear what he would say… “OH MY! ORTON HAS THAT HISTORY OF SHOULDER ISSUES AND EDGE KNOWS THAT BECAUSE THEY WERE BEST FRIENDS AND HE KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT RANDY SO HE’S BEING SUPER SMART AND GOING RIGHT AFTER THAT SHOULDER OH MY THIS TRULY IS THE GREATEST WRESTLING MATCH EVER!”.
I think Edge hit a head scissors… but the camera angle makes sure to NOT show it properly because he’s NEARLY FUCKING 50 YEARS OLD and can’t do it in a way that doesn’t look horrible 
.
Edge continues to be a crazy old man and hits a massive clothesline off the top rope to the floor. At least this looks good haha.
Orton is bleeding now because… blood is ok when there are no fans in the crowd? I dunno. Also… why have the blood HERE in a “straight up wrestling match” and not their BRUTAL LAST MAN STANDING match?
CRIPPLER CROSSFACE~! They did a callback to Benoit at WM and now they are doing it again! 
RKO OUTTA NO~! Edge saw it coming! Orton is bleeding (or he was… seems to have stopped already lol) and was taking a beating, so he took a GAMBLE and went for the RKO Outta Nowhere, but it didn’t pay off for him. Shame it didn’t mean anything when he still gains the upper hand about 10 seconds later.
Since this is a STRAIGHT UP WRESTLING MATCH… Orton decides to smash Edge’s head against the sneeze guard around the ring, the barricade, the announce table and the steel steps! THIS IS WRESTLING! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* THIS IS WRESTLING! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* THIS IS WRESTLING! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* THIS IS WRESTLING! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP* THIS IS WRESTLING! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP*
I’M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU~!
Uhhh… moving on .
3 AMIGOS~!
3 AMIGOS~!
Up until just before this point in the match, the “crowd” hasn’t really stood out to me. But now? The Edge and Orton chants and reactions to moves are getting distracting as hell. They sound weird and we all know its fake and yeah, it just isn’t good.
People love to crap all over HBK for his HAMMY SELLING and reactions and whatnot… but holy fuck Edge made me BURST OUT LAUGHING for real when he was sent into the ring post face/chest first .
SUPERPLEX~! And it is utterly RUINED by some awful camera work . And then when Edge kicks out at 2 we get some awful SURPRISE~! looks from the wrestlers in the crowd . Please stop trying too hard, WWE.
Did Edge just steal Christian’s corner move? HOW VERY DARE YOU!!!
Oh no.
Oh no.
OH. NO.
“THIS IS AWESOME” chants . Are the piping shit in? Cos it sounded like it was from a WWE game .
They then spend what seems like an eternity hitting BOMBS and more talented wrestler’s finishing moves for near falls. Seriously, this takes up like 15 minutes of the match. And of course while all of this is happening we are getting horrible noises from the crowd, noises from a crowd that isn’t even there, and more of those god awful reaction shots.
FINALLY the match ends after a PUNT.
I have a question. WHO THE FUCK KEEPS GIVING THESE TWO SO MUCH TIME?
While this match certainly ISN’T “the greatest wrestling match ever” or anything close to being such a thing, it was legitimately good going on great… until the half-way point and then they threw everything out of the window and decided to do a 15-20 minute finisher fest. That wasn’t even GOOD. If they did everything else the same, then shaved down that finisher fest part to say, FIVE minutes, then this would probably have been great. But as it stands, its just ok for me. A great first half followed by falling off a cliff for the second half.
I think most people went into this with much lower expectations than WWE tried to make us have, so it wouldn’t have been THAT disappointing for people, hopefully. Sadly the disappointment still comes into play with the fact it COULD have been really good if they didn’t fuck it up in the entire second half.
Rating: ***
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