Extreme Rules 2009
Yey, looks like a bunch of rematches on this show… BUT WITH GIMMICKS~!
Kofi Kingston Vs William Regal Vs Matt Hardy Vs MVP – United States Championship Match
So Kofi is the US champ… magical. And he won it from MVP. Oh god… I can’t even begin to imagine how awful that was.
“Here’s a man who rarely smiles in William Regal” right as Regal is smiling on his way to the ring. Keep up the good work, Cole!
Only in wrestling can a guy with a cast on his arm still compete in an athletic contest lol.
I wish this was just a Matt Vs Regal match 
.
Regal throwing Matt to the babyfaces 
. Oh yeah, MVP is a face during this time. He’s terrible at it.
Regal mauling Kofi .
Poor Matt. He’s having no luck. Already got a broken hand/arm, gets thrown to MVP and Kofi at the start by Regal, then the first time he tries to get back into the ring, he’s knocked off the apron during an Irish Whip spot 
.
OH GOD NO. PLEASE STOP. STOP NOW. PLEASE. I BEG YOU. STOP THE OFFENCE, KOFI!!!
Regal catches Kofi trying a Trouble in Paradise, and just launches him into Matt with a modified suplex . Man, Regal is the MAN, man.
Oh of course, Regal rules this match and is the one to take the pin, and off a terrible Trouble in Paradise too. Kofi can’t even hit his own fucking finisher right. Prick.
Regal was the only good thing in this entire match. And he legit rocked.
Rating: **1/2
CAL SCALE – 1
Josh Matthews goes out to Big Show’s bus to interview him. This is from earlier in the day. I like how Big Show is just hanging out in his bus during the day in his wrestling gear 
.
Rey Mysterio Vs Chris Jericho – No Holds Barred Intercontinental Championship Match
Jericho is at the merch stand cutting a promo about Mysterio’s masks being sold and shit. He hates Rey’s mask. He wants Rey’s mask. I think this feud is about Rey’s mask.
Gotta love how this whole match is about Jericho wanting to show the world what Rey is like under the mask. Because we never saw him without the mask in WCW 
.
Mysterio bringing the HATE~! right off the bat . Always cool to see Rey change shit up. Ha, he just smashed the announce table cover over Jericho’s head . He ain’t wasting no time to make use of the no DQ rules of this match!!!
fucking SWEET spot with Mysterio avoiding being sent into the steel steps by… flipping over them! And then dropkicking them right back into Jericho! Rey is BEATING UP CHRIS JERICHO!!!
Despite Jericho seemingly taking control of the match, Mysterio just keeps fighting back and constantly takes the FIGHT to Jericho, mixing up some aggression with his high flying offence. Also, gotta love the collision between the two as Jericho tries to counter a 619 attempt by shoulder blocking Rey, but Rey is running full speed and Jericho gets smashed to the floor just as much as Rey.
OMG JERICHO ALMOST GOT THE MASK OFF~!
But trying to remove the mask just seems… stupid as it forces Rey to start flailing his legs around to kick Jericho in the face, then he gets time to recover and even avoid Jericho running at him, which sends Jericho crashing into the ring post and from there it’s a Rey showcase with dives and high flying moves. Maybe Jericho should concentrate on trying to WIN first .
Lol, Jericho just hit Kevin Owen’s powerbomb .
CODE BREAKER TO COUNTER THE SPLASH FROM REY~!
REY KICKS OUT~!
Huh, the Code Breaker not working. HOW SHOCKING…
WALLS OF JERICHO~!
But there is a chair in the ring, and after battling with it for a while to fold it back up, Rey is able to smack Jericho in the head with it!!!
619~!
Jericho counters and pulls the mask off! Roll up for the 3 count!!! Jericho wins and did it by unmasking Mysterio!!! He’s covering up his face, but Jericho still did what he said he’d do!!!
Good match here, but I think I preferred their JD match to it.
Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2
Batista and Josh Matthews with matching hair cuts! They show a video of Orton and Flair in a FIGHT TO THE FINISH on Raw. Flair is fucking destroying Orton until Legacy get involved. WHY IS FLAIR NOT THE #1 CONTENDER?!?!? Sure, he’s retired, but… COME ONE . Also, Batista can’t rip the door off… so instead of CLIMBING IN AND SAVING FLAIR, he just screams on the outside .
CM Punk Vs Umaga – Samoan Strap Match
Enjoyed their JD match, so I’m hoping for something good here, even with the stipulation.
Having guys spend the match trying to touch each turnbuckle isn’t the best match idea, but thankfully the work in between those spots by these two is really good. Plenty of good uses of the strap, especially to prevent each other from hitting all 4 corners. These two had some really good chemistry.
In the end, a GTS allows Punk to hit all 4 corners and get the win. I enjoyed this a ton, and was spending more time watching it than writing about it lol.
Rating: ***1/2
CAL SCALE – 3
CHRISTIAN . ECW Champion . He hopes he and Dreamer can still be friends tonight after he retires him.
Christian Vs Jack Swagger Vs Tommy Dreamer – ECW Rules ECW Championship Match
If Dreamer does not win the title here tonight, he’s DONE. Oh how I wish he didn’t win . Yeah, I know he wins. I remember this match rather well. I enjoyed it a bunch when I did my ECW 09 project. Just another match that makes me love ECW and Christian’s ECW run in 2009 
.
Swagger uses his size, power and WRESTLING skills to take out both his opponents early on… so both Christian and Dreamer grab weapons and begin to batter the former ECW champion silly!!!
Still at Swagger falling out of the ring and nearly landing in a trash can. Oh if only he’d actually landed in it. I’d HAVE to give the match the full 5 stars .
Dreamer with an awesome dive off the apron using the trash can to CRUSH both Christian and Swagger! Amma call that move the Dreamroller!
Still fucking hate that ECW taunt thing Dreamer does. Looks so fucking forced. at Christian tripping him up right after it, then doing it himself and doing to Swagger what Dreamer was gonna do .
Man, every time I watch one of these awesome ECW 09 matches with Swagger, I just feel worse about how the guy is used these days. And by used, I mean I don’t remember the last time I even saw him on TV. He was so fucking talented, but for whatever reason he keeps getting pushed backwards and never really given a chance to be awesome again.
Swagger sets up 3 trash cans in a row in the middle of the ring, and he’s gonna superplex Dreamer into them!!! No wait, Christian shows up for a powerbomb too!!! Dreamer barely hits any of the trash cans, but the spot still looked great . About 2 people in the crowd try to start an “Oh My God” chant . It lasts about 5 seconds .
A cool finishing sequence, and then we see Dreamer hitting a DDT and becoming the NEW ECW Champion. Yey. He’s not retired. Yey.
So aside from Dreamer winning, this is a super fun match . Even Dreamer looked great in it, really putting on a show. Just wish he’d stop fucking crying. Wuss.
Rating: ***1/4
CAL SCALE – 2
Chabo is backstage trying to fire up Vickie by making pig noises. She punches him in the nose .
Vickie Guerrero Vs Santina – Hog Pen Match
This PPV was going so well…
Rating: NO
CAL SCALE – -1
Goldust telling Vickie she smells like SHIT . He covers it up, eventually, by saying Shiitake Mushrooms. Edge is waiting for Vickie and announces they are getting divorced. Wow, they were still together at this point?
Randy Orton Vs Batista – Steel Cage WWE Championship Match
Urgh. Their JD match was boring as fuck. Steel cage matches on PPV are typically bad. I have zero expectations for this.
The build up video for this is basically more Flair/Orton . Makes me wanna see Orton and Flair in a cage again. They did a good job a few years earlier. Would certainly be better than what Batista and Orton are gonna do .
Hello alcohol, my old friend . Nice of you to stop by and help me with this match!
Huh, this beer is 1.7 units in the UK, but only 1.3 in the ROI? I guess that explains a few things .
Batista wins the match with a Batista Bomb in a match that thankfully seems to have been really short lol. Almost nothing happened .
Pretty shitty way for Orton’s reign to end though.
Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0
John Cena Vs The Big Show – Submission Match
So last month, Cena was unable to lock in the STFU cos he’s too short, and now he’s in a submission match with the same guy. Odds of him winning with the STFU? Pretty darn good I think!
30 seconds in and Cena again goes for the STFU . YOU AIN’T BIG ENOUGH, JOHN!
BIG SHOW’S RING IS 22.5 INCHES~!
Wow, Big Show has a huge ring and Cena isn’t big enough .
By 2009 we’ve seen Cena overcome so many BIG MEN, INCLUDING THE BIG SHOW ON MULTIPLE OCCASIONS, and the damn commentators and still trying to make us believe for a second than Cena cannot do it this time. Pisses me the fuck off.
Fuck me this is dull.
Oh look Cena couldn’t slam Big Show…
HOW LONG DOES THIS LAST FOR?
20 MINUTES?
TWENTY FUCKING MINUTES?
I NEED MORE ALCOHOL.
OH MY GOD CENA HIT THE AA ON BIG SHOW I’VE NEVER SEEN THAT I SWEAR TO GOD I’VE NEVER SEEN THAT BEFORE IT’S THE MOST IMPRESSIVE THING I’VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE HOW DID CENA DO IT THAT WAS INCREDIBLE I’M MARKING OUT BRO~!
Since Cena can’t lock in the STFU on Big Show, he uses the ropes to hook Show’s leg and then apply the crossface and Show finally taps out and thank FUCK this is over.
So. Boring.
Rating: 1/4*
CAL SCALE – 0
Edge Vs Jeff Hardy – World Heavyweight Championship Ladder Match
Oh yey now I gotta sit through a 20 minute spotfest with two guys I don’t like. The first half of this show was sooo fucking good… and then it DIED.
At least this PPV ends on a happy note 
. I just gotta sit through 20 minutes of this first .
Spot. Spot spot. Spot. Spot Spot Spot Spot Spot Spot Spot. Spot Spot Spot. Spot.
SPOT~!
STOP SETTING THE LADDER UP IN THE CORNER. NOBODY THINKS YOU ARE GOING TO CLIMB AND GRAB THE BELT FROM THERE. YOU ARE BLATANTLY SETTING UP ANOTHER FUCKING SPOT. STOP IT.
WHY ARE YOU BOTH CLIMBING A LADDER ON THE FUCKING FLOOR?!?! OH, SETTING UP ANOTHER SPOT. OF COURSE. BECAUSE FUCK YOU.
WHY ARE THERE MULTIPLE REFEREE’S OUT HERE? WHY IS ONE IN THE RING TAKING A BUMP? THIS IS A FUCKING LADDER MATCH .
Jeff wins.
Is this the worst WWE ladder match ever?
Rating: DUD
CAL SCALE – 0
Well thankfully CM PUNK comes out to cash in Money in the Bank and let the fans go home happy!!! CM PUNK IS THE NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION~! And so begins his awesome slow heel turn .
Overall CAL SCALE – 7
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